"Hello President Anti-Christ.....would you like coffee?" by political aficionado, Steven Gacy

Apparently...they are holding some kind of mass pick-em thing later this year that people get to vote in and the winner gets to take my money for 4 to 8 years(assuming he doesn't say a bunch of curse words on a tape and have a few fellows sneak into a hotel until Forrest Gump narcs on them) along with some other meaningless duties that no one cares about.

Well one of these guys very well may be THE FREAKIN DEVIL !


El Diablo, Tre six, Lucifer son of the morning....

I'm gonna chase you out of earth(or whatever the hell that Kanye sample said). Seriously, I'm innocently checking my email today trying to see if anyone responded to my trade-wind article,(I'm trying to sell a copy of "The Outsiders" DVD that 6 out of the 7 guys on the cover signed. In related news, Ralph Macchio is a dickhead),and seeing if anyone sent me a link to someone doing the "My Dougie" dance.....when I see an email that said "Don't Vote For The Anti-Christ". I opened it and was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't an add for penis pills until I find out that a candidate for president may also be a candidate to destroy the world. Well, I'm helping to spread the word. Although I'm not allowed to vote due to felonious complications(trumped up conviction for an idea I had involving selling pizza's and pirated dvd's/cd's as a combo. I thought this was America), I will not stand by as the world ends.

Here are some of the things I heard with my reaction to the side.

Barack Obama
1. "His middle name is Hussein"- Oh balls. We just fought someone named something like that a while back didn't we? Now there is another one? It's not like that's a common name anywhere or anything, right? I mean....I don't know no Husseins. This is actually doubly alarming to me because my middle name is Alexander. There was a really really bad movie called "Alexander" and the guy in it was gay. I'm getting my middle name changed to John Wayne tomorrow damn it. Steven John Wayne Gacy. No one can say anything bad about that.

2. "He is Muslim"- Well, as long as he's not a Scientologist

3. "He once kicked a puppy during the pledge of allegiance"

4. "He bought Wal-Mart in 1987"

5. "He also owns most gas stations"

6. "In 1967, he performed an abortion on a woman who was 8 months pregnant.....WITH A HOT WIRE HANGER"

7. "He has unpaid traffic tickets....is he better than the rest of us?"

8. "Obama sorta sounds like Osama"

9. "He enjoys listening to Trace Adkins"

10. "He has the mark of the beast tattooed on his left ass cheek"


That's nothing. He enjoys listening to Trace Adkins.


*This column paid for by FoxNews*