REPORT: Green Bay Packers to offer Ayatollah Nic $20 dollars to retire

Report.

Green Bay, WI


Upon the news that Brett Favre will not accept the Green Bay Packers' offer of $20 million dollars to retire from professional football, the Packers have turned their attention to another annoyance out of the state of Mississippi...offering $20 dollars over the course of 10 years(or $14 if he wants it in a lump sum) to 'comical'(if you could call it that....where i'm from, we call his writing "hackish") writer Ayatollah Nic who runs some 2 bit joint called Inside Trout. GM Ted Thompson was quoted as saying "Look...I am perfectly willing to give this Nic guy $20 dollars out of my own pocket if he just stops writing. His ability to piss people off is unprecedented....but in an awful way. Quite honestly...even if he was any good.....and he's not.....he hasn't written anything in half a month." Upon reports that if Nic did not accept the offer the GM was strongly considering sending AJ Hawk after him with a sledgehammer, Thompson said "Look, we've explored ALL possibilities but the fact of the matter is that even with AJ being a world class athlete.......you guys forget that Nic grew up in the southeast and AJ played in the big 10....AT OHIO STATE NONETHELESS. There is no way in hell AJ could catch him. We're just hoping this schmuck takes our more than generous offer"

We managed to catch up with Nic walking out of 'Mama Mia' at his local theatre and he had this to say "Oh shit. I uh......my little sister left her purse in there while I was watching the "Dark Knight for the 6th time......i definitely wasn't watching 'Mama Mia'. What? $20? I haven't written there in like half a month. Um.....you think they'll throw in an extra $2? I want to get a half tank of gas."


In other news......Brett Favre has a hang nail. Brett Favre's first uncle on his mom's side has syphilis. Brett smiled at me today and I felt pretty. He probably should have won an academy award for his role in 'Something about Mary'. Be sure to check any god damned website, tv station, radio station, newspaper, or local creepy guy who wears his Favre jersey 4 times a week every minute on the minute for a Brett 'motherfucking' Favre update.